Relationships

“Everyone…at their best…as often as possible.”

Relationships capture our connection to others; they form the basis of our sense of belonging and contribute substantially to our sense of self-worth. Relationships are what hold our community together.

At the heart of Wellbeing at Scotch is the concept of “Knowing the Boy”. At every stage of a boy’s development, there are significant staff who seek to understand what is going on in his life and who know best what skills he needs to live life well. A key part of our Wellbeing programme is making students aware of these skills and providing them with opportunities to practice them.

We aim to foster a sense of belonging and a feeling of being safe, connected and valued. These are what determine an individual’s self of self-worth and their willingness to contribute. Being a part of something greater than the individual is a critical element in finding meaning in life. Contributing to something greater than and outside of the self is vital to young people discovering their purpose.

There are many ways and avenues for this sense of belonging to be developed. In Junior School, the chief pathway is through the classroom and the teacher. In the Middle School, it is via the Homeroom and the homeroom teacher. And in the Senior School, it is through the House system and the House Head, as well as the mentor group and the mentor.

Strong relationships can be challenging to develop because they require a focus on others. We must be curious about what is happening in someone else’s life, and understanding that things may not be as good for them as they are for us.

At the core of strong and positive relationships is the ability to recognise emotions (in ourselves and in others) and to manage and express these in healthy ways. This begins in Kindergarten, where the boys examine the Zones of Regulation. It is developed further in Junior School through the practice of yoga, and in Middle and Senior Schools through the practice of mindfulness. Central to this is the ability to focus our attention, and a capacity to differentiate between what we can control and what lies beyond that. We focus on the importance of choice, and the gap which exists between a stimulus and our response to that.

There are two elements which we believe strengthen relationships and build a more effective and inclusive community. These are kindness and gratitude. Performing acts of kindness for each other on a daily basis is critical in building trust and showing that we value others. These acts can be inconsequential, day-to-day things. By talking about these acts, and encouraging students to demonstrate kindness on a daily basis, this becomes ingrained in the fabric of the school. Gratitude is another form of kindness, one which requires the individual to pause and reflect on the good that they have in their lives, and the good things which others have done for them. Recognising how fortunate we are, and how much good exists in our lives, enables us to train ourselves to be more positive in how we approach our lives and other people. Saying – or writing – thank you is an act of humility. It is recognition that we could not have done what we have done, and we could not be the person we have become, without the support and efforts of others. Being grateful towards others encourages us to do more for others and look out for them more often.

In both cases, the doing is a key to growth. Caring about others should be manifested in how we treat them. Kindness is compassion in action. It is a visible manifestation of being conscious of the greater good. Being grateful is quite different from expressing that sense of gratitude externally or to others. Showing gratitude, whether that is by keeping a record of the good things that happen each day, or writing a letter to say thank you to someone, is a physical, external display of an inner emotion. It is this expression of gratitude which is central to its power for the person experiencing it as well as the person receiving it.

In the case of our staff, we understand their significance in sustaining positive relationships within and across the school. We seek to foster engagement with staff and believe in the importance of providing mentoring for staff at different levels of the organisation. We also believe in expressing gratitude to staff and in finding ways to show them kindness.

Key Elements of Relationships at Scotch:

• Belonging, Connection and Valuing Everyone
• Emotional Recognition, Expression and Management
• Compassion
• Kindness
• Gratitude